I’ve been thinking about someone lately and it’s someone that I don’t even know. My daughter Roxy was born to another woman. She grew in another woman’s womb. Yet I’m the one who cares for her, who answers her questions, who brushes her teeth, who potty trained her, and who puts her to bed at night. Roxy calls me Mama and Mommy. In equal measure, this is both a tragedy and a privilege. It’s a tragedy because the woman who birthed her doesn’t get to love on her each day. She doesn’t get to see her smiling little face in the morning or to hear her, “Mama, no fun gow!” protests at being put to bed. Kenny and I get to hold Roxy as much as we want. We get to give her ice cream and hear her ask for more chicken.
I wish I could reach out and contact Roxy’s birth mother. But I don’t know how to since I don’t even know her name. I don’t even know if she’s really from Wuhan, the city where Roxy was found. Someday when Roxy is older, I’d like to take her back to Wuhan since as far as we know, it’s the city of her birth. I’d like to take her to her orphanage and finding place and meet her foster parents face to face since they wouldn’t let me meet them when we were in Wuhan. I have a thought that maybe I’d even try to put up a letter in Chinese complete with pictures and explain Roxy’s origins and that we just want her birth family to know that she is safe. But since I don’t have a way of reaching my daughter’s birth mother right now, I’m going to post a letter here.
Dear My Daughter’s Birth Mother,
I have no idea of your name, or where you live, or what your circumstances are, but I want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart. I may not know that much about you, but I know that you are a strong and caring person who loved your baby. I know that you left your baby girl at the Outpatient Department of Children’s Hospital, Jiang’an Area, Wuhan City, a few days after she was born. I know that you loved and still love her. The reason why I know that is because, you didn’t leave her just anywhere. You left her in a hospital where she was sure to be found by good people who would know how to care for her. I want you to know that you absolutely did the right thing.
We named her Roxana Jade and call her Roxy for short. Roxana means dawn. Jade refers to the green jade precious stone that people wear. We made her middle name Jade because we want her to know that she is valued.
My husband and I adopted our daughter from China and I can tell you we couldn’t love her any more than if she had been born to us. There are actually whole days that go by where I actually forget that I didn’t give birth to her. We promise that we will love Roxy the same, even if we choose to have biological children or adopt more children. Our family already loves her and we consider ourselves lucky to have her. She is an active, outgoing, and feisty little girl. Roxy has a lot of cousins that she loves to play with. She has a little group of friends and she is doing very well. She is learning English quickly and she is very smart. She already knows how to count to 15 in English and sing the ABC song. She loves anything musical, likes to dance, to be physically active, and has a healthy curiosity. Her favorite color is pink and she loves Hello Kitty, My Little Ponies, and Frozen. She loves to eat any meat, soup, noodles, and begs for ice cream all the time. We often tell her that if she is “gwai” that she can have ice cream. My husband and I promise that we will be there to love your baby, no matter what her needs are, what her medical expenses are, or what happens to her in this life. She will grow up happy, safe, and well cared for. She will have no doubt that she is loved. We love her very much and can’t even imagine life without her now.
When Roxy is old enough, we will talk to her about you. We will tell her the truth, that we know that her birth mother loves her very much and still prays for her. We will tell her that her birth mother couldn’t care for her but that she loved her enough to let her go so that she could have a better life.
Please know that me and my husband pray for you and your family each day. I hope that somehow you can get this message so that you can know that your daughter is doing well, and that you made the right decision, because your daughter is happy, safe, healthy, and LOVED. Thank you for giving our daughter the gift of life. The words thank you actually don’t seem to be enough to convey the daily gratitude that my husband and I feel for your loving and selfless act. You mean so much to us, not just because you gave us a daughter, but for the loving and selfless person that you are. Thank you for loving your daughter enough to let her go when you couldn’t care for her. May God bless you and your family and keep you safe.
With love and blessings, Jacqueline
Dr. Jacqueline Cheung, also known as Jax, grew up in Sacramento, California. She is a Christian Wife, Proud Mom, Major Foodie, Sacramento Native, Elk Grove Resident, Feminist, Adoption Advocate, Blogger, Freelance Writer, and Cat Lover. Jax is the owner of the award winning Jax Chronicles blog & adoption ministry. She also works as a Freelance Writer and writes for Sacramento4Kids, the Elk Grove Laguna News, and many other publications. Jax is married to Dr. Kenneth Cheung (Kenny). Jax and Kenny live in Elk Grove, California and have 2 daughters named Roxy and Carissa, and 3 cats named Mochi, Miso, and Mango. You can follow her journey on Instagram @jaxchronicles, her Jax Chronicles Facebook page , or her Jax Chronicles blog.